It’s not you. It’s me.
I voted that day, after four years of my early adult life, being lectured hundreds of times...
That it’s people like me that put that man in office. That not saying something is saying something. That it’s irresponsible and adolescent to pretend that it’s irrelevant.
Behind the eyes of him, they see the effects of my choice in not choosing. It is though it is a fault of…
Well, last week I voted. This time, I voted because well, I wanted to grow up. I wanted to become a great actor in choosing a side, an act. I wanted to be an active citizen to support what I believe…
To be the lie that there is a choice here. The idea that one is better than the other for me and for you, the one that I love. I voted because well, I already have to pay taxes, so why not “choose” where my taxes go. Because I already have to earn what I make and it’s always good to give what is not needed, so if I actively choose where I give my earnings and my attention, then maybe, just maybe I’d find joy in the game of choosing in this arena.
Here, it’s you or me. Not us both. Although in the grand, I know we are together, here, we are opposed. So having a choice in the reflection here allows me to feel the control that is out there somewhere.
I went to the store to get some necessities. You know. Water, toilet tissue, canned goods, masks… gloves. Like vinyl gloves, those are ok right? It’s ok that I wear these around you right? It makes you feel better to be of distance, and I’m only welcomed or accepted if I’m covered. Protected, restricted. The breath and its effect, the touch and it’s embrace, the contact between us is greater and stronger, and that thing in between is that thing out there. The thing that governs you.
It’s not you it’s me. I pretend here, because it makes you feel comfortable. So that you are not offended, nor do you actively offend. To support a love here that is governed. Because I love you and how I feel when I’m with you. But the space in between guards what was meant for you. For me.
So I can… go now. You won’t feel it when it leaves. The strain helps you numb the sensation, limits the resistance. For me, I’m in the place that is of true choice. Of true participation, of true maturity, of all the wild danger and natural order. Holding true what individual balance and governance, it’s accountability.