It's when you forgot who you are and what your job is. It's when you tossed out merit and ethic, held on to standard and critique. It's when you know your behavior requires judgement but anyone giving it would be just as cruel as you are, too combative. It's when you're encouraged by your toxic friend to degrade your sense of humanity by being basically ugly on the inside... It's when you secretly realize your regressed state of development for a person your age and expectation of maturity. It's when you wonder if you are a performative feminist and hold a pseudo "I care" persona to feed the false identity of being a good human and an asset to society to reflect how you'll probably be out of debt within the next eight years surely and it's fine anyway because there are a few designer things in your closet. It's when you don't offer donation or a loaf of fucking bread because of your theory that the homeless person is acting for the day. It's when you don't remember your nieces middle name because you don't like her and are not invested in being an adequate member in the family, shh. It's when everyone who was a jerk to you gets the gift of reciprocity and also those who you think you just rank higher than. It's when you look in the mirror and point out all the things that you really love actually, why would someone think otherwise. It's when the story of narcissus is appealing because why not. It's when slander is quiet but very apparent, whispered but very loud, violent and disappointing but somehow you feel even better now that you were honest and bitchy and mean as fuck.
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